📜 Trend Obituaries
Week of Oct 12, 2026 · A memorial service for the formats the internet laid to rest. Gone, but not forgotten (they will be forgotten by Tuesday). 🥀
Nothing Beats a Jet2 Holiday
Passed peacefully, which is ironic, because every clip it ever soundtracked involved a trampoline accident. Survived by Jess Glynne's royalty statement. In lieu of flowers, the family requests you book literally any other airline's ad as the next audio.
👪 Survived by: Jess Glynne's royalty statement and every holiday rep in Tenerife
SDIYBT
Died as it lived: unexplained. Nobody at the funeral could agree what the letters stood for, and three mourners turned it into a newer acronym before the service ended.
👪 Survived by: Three newer acronyms and a very confused Urban Dictionary
Performative Male
Found clutching a tote bag, a half-finished matcha and an unread bell hooks paperback. Cause of death: the women at the lookalike contest started enjoying it unironically.
👪 Survived by: A tote bag, one matcha, and an unread bell hooks paperback
The Dead Rose 🥀
🥀. That's it. That's the obituary. It would have wanted it this way.
👪 Survived by: 🥀🥀 (its children)
Polyphonic Perception
Could hear the drums AND the guitar at the same time, but tragically could not hear the algorithm moving on. Remembered fondly by every bass player who finally felt seen.
👪 Survived by: Every bass player who finally felt seen
Labubu Bag Charm Unboxing
Taken from us by oversupply. Leaves behind 400 million bag charms, one fake 'Lafufu' per household, and a resale market in mourning.
👪 Survived by: 400 million bag charms and one 'Lafufu' per household
💐 In lieu of flowers, please stop using these sounds.